Afterlife
by Zaliassa
Summary: Jacob grieves Bella's death, having left her and Edward on bad terms. Prejudices, grudges, and hard feelings mingle...until he comes across someone he didn't expect. Will he be able to capture this girl's heart before Edward this time?
1. The Raven

Disclaimer: I reject credit for this. Credit goes to Stephanie Meyer, et al.

_**Afterlife**_

**Chapter One**

**The Raven**

_Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,_

_Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore--_

_While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,_

_As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door._

"_'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door--_

_Only this, and nothing more."_

_Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;_

_And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor._

_Eagerly I wished the morrow;--vainly I had sought to borrow_

_From my books surcease of sorrow-- sorrow for the lost Lenore--_

_For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore--_

_Nameless here for evermore._

_And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain_

_Thrilled me-- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;_

_So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,_

"_'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door--_

_Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door--_

_This it is, and nothing more."_

_Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,_

"_Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;_

_But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,_

_And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,_

_That I scarce was sure I heard you"-- here I opened wide the door;--_

_Darkness there, and nothing more._

_Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,_

_Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;_

_But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,_

_And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"_

_This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"--_

_Merely this, and nothing more._

_Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,_

"_Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:_

_Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore--_

_Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;--_

_'Tis the wind and nothing more."_

_Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,_

_In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;_

_Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;_

_But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door--_

_Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door--_

_Perched, and sat, and nothing more._

_Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,_

_By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,_

"_Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,_

_Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore--_

_Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

_Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,_

_Though its answer little meaning-- little relevancy bore;_

_For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being_

_Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door--_

_Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,_

_With such name as "Nevermore."_

_But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only_

_That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour._

_Nothing further then he uttered-- not a feather then he fluttered--_

_Till I scarcely more than muttered, "Other friends have flown before--_

_On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before."_

_Then the bird said, "Nevermore."_

_Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,_

"_Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,_

_Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster_

_Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore--_

_Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore_

_Of 'Never-- nevermore'."_

_But the Raven still beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,_

_Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of a bird, and bust and door;_

_Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking_

_Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore--_

_What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore_

_Meant in croaking "Nevermore."_

_This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing_

_To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;_

_This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining_

_On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,_

_But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,_

_She shall press, ah, nevermore!_

_Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer_

_Swung by seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor._

"_Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee-- by these angels he hath sent thee_

_Respite-- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore;_

_Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

"_Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!-- prophet still, if bird or devil!--_

_Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,_

_Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted--_

_On this home by Horror haunted-- tell me truly, I implore--_

_Is there-- is there balm in Gilead?-- tell me-- tell me, I implore!"_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

"_Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil-- prophet still, if bird or devil!_

_By that Heaven that bends above us-- by that God we both adore--_

_Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,_

_It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore--_

_Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

"_Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting--_

"_Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!_

_Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!_

_Leave my loneliness unbroken!-- quit the bust above my door!_

_Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

_And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting_

_On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;_

_And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,_

_And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;_

_And my soul from out that shadow lies floating on the floor_

_Shall be lifted-- nevermore!_

* * *

"You're here early. I was just reading some poetry—'The Raven' by Edgar Allen Poe; have you read it?"

"What are you doing here?" I asked, annoyance laced within every syllable I spoke.

She looked slightly put out. "Why wouldn't I be here? It's your dream."

"Why would _I _be dreaming of _you_ is what I'm asking. I'm not stupid, you know," I snapped defensively.

"Hmm. That is a good question." She seemed to muse to herself for a moment. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"I don't have anything to say to you."

Silence lingered between us before she prodded another question. "Are you feeling guilty about something?"

"No," I said bluntly, and she chuckled softly. I made sure to shoot her a withering glare and demanded, "What's so funny?"

"Well," she said, a devious grin forming on her face. "Take _our_ lives, for instance. You and I come from completely different worlds. Who would have ever thought that we would be here right now, having this conversation? We're coming from two different realities here."

"Dreams have a tendency to bring together two inherent realities, you know. It's not exactly a news flash."

Her smile slowly faded. I fought the urge to reach out and gently tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, no matter how mad I was at her. I used to only do this so that I would have an excuse to brush up against the soft, smooth skin of her face as I pulled my hand away. It didn't matter that the amount of contact was miniscule; I could still feel electricity running through my veins whenever I touched her.

"I have to go," I stated abruptly.

"But you just fell asleep," she countered, her bottom lip slightly protruding.

I gave her a knowing look. I wanted to stay. Really, I did. But I was so mad at her I could feel my skin trembling. I didn't want to fight anymore.

"You have to let me go."

"No, I don't," she said simply. "I can't."

"Whose dream is this, anyway?! I don't have to listen to you lie anymore." Before I could wake up, however, my attention was drawn by her expression. It had changed from amused, disappointed, to..._pained._

I watched in strange fascination as her pain visibly spread throughout her body, down her limbs and to her fingertips. Her once fluid movements became jagged before she collapsed to the ground. Her body lay in a heap, and I stood frozen in indecision, not knowing what to do or how to help, if I even could. My first instinct was to simply leave her there, and allow her to deal with it herself, but she was staring at me, pleading with me to aid her discomfort, to assuage her pain as if she were constricted by some unseen force. Her breathing grew ragged.

Giving in to my meager conscience despite my prejudices, I moved swiftly to her side and knelt on the ground. I extended my hand to touch her, but recoiled as if I had been burned by scalding water. Caressing my imaginary burn, I let out a ragged breath of my own before reaching to touch her once more. My senses were waging an internal war—should I aid her? Could I do anything if he tried? What good would it do in the long run?

And then, she was gone. Nothing could save her now. She was lifeless. Dead, because I had waited—vacillated between whether or not I should save her. Dead because I couldn't get over my grudges and prejudice.

* * *

I woke with a start. Gasping for breath, I let my eyes searched my surroundings blindly. I was on the ground, dewy grass dampening my fur. I was not alarmed by waking in this surrounding—waking up in my own room hadn't been a frequent thing since…well, a long time. It appeared as though I'd just awakened from a bad dream—the same one I'd been having for the last few months. I waited until my racing pulse had returned to normal before getting up; suddenly I wasn't so tired anymore.

The fact that I was outside of Bella Swan's, or Bella _Cullen's, _father's house didn't alarm me either. I'd made a strange habit to sleep walk in my wolf form lately. I couldn't help but wonder what the others thought—they must've been sleeping, because their thoughts were peculiarly quiet right now. I was thankful for that.

My dreams—yes, my dreams of _her—_were never pleasant. They varied slightly in the beginning, but invariably ended with her collapsed and dying on the ground. I would stand idly by, torn between what I knew, or thought, was right...and what I simply wanted to do, which, of course, resided on the wrong end of the moral compass. And so, every dream always ended in the same fashion. But now I wished with a sudden and surprising sense of regret that I had chosen to just help the leech-lover.

"Oh, come off it! Get a hold of yourself. You've done nothing wrong. It was a stupid dream!" I yelled incredulously into the darkness.

I proceeded to follow through with the same old routine I made when I would wake up outside of Bella's old window: every time I'd have this dream, I'd wake up, orient myself, transform into my human form, and climb up the tree outside her window. From there, I would extend myself on the branch and pause at the window, listening. Of course, I would never hear anything. Sometimes I would stop at the window, then leave after a minute of softly banging my head up against it. But this time I placed a hand on the sill and lifted it.

Her room looked the exact same way it had a few months ago. Her bed was neatly made and topped off with a couple of frilly pillows and a teddy bear. On her nightstand were a few framed pictures of her and the other two members of her friendship in high school. I couldn't recall one of the girl's names, but I knew the other was Jessica. In each picture, they were smiling and laughing. I scowled down at the picture and wondered if she ever glanced down at the picture herself and noticed the way her bloodsucker boyfriend was looking at her—as if she were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

_Well I'll be damned_, I couldn't help but think bitterly. _The leech probably did love her after all_. I grunted and placed the frame back onto the table. I picked up another one, similar to the one I'd just set down. So many of the pictures scattered all over her room were of _them_; only a few were of her and her father, or of her and some other random classmate. I figured the framed picture that sat directly in the middle of them all was of her mother, though I had never met the woman. I sighed. She had so many pictures scattered everywhere, of so many people who were near and dear to her heart. It was no surprise to see that there was no picture of _me_ anywhere, but it still hurt nevertheless.

I sat down on her bed, picked up the stupid teddy bear and scoffed. A grown girl with a teddy bear. I would've loved to have known she'd had this; I could've made fun of her for it. She'd probably slept with it every night, pretending it was Boy Wonder she was holding in her arms. At this thought, I threw the teddy bear across the room as hard as I could. It slammed up against her dresser; the force of it knocking one of her precious framed pictures onto the floor, shattering the glass. Feeling guilty about my sudden fit of anger and fearing I might've wakened Charlie, I picked the picture up from the floor. Despite the fall, the Golden Couple was still smiling and laughing and acting as though they did't have a care in the world.

"Damn you, Bella," I spat. I could've sworn that when I spoke, the girl in the picture looked directly at me. The greatest thing about pictures was that they could be kept for eternity. Well, so long as it wasn't destroyed. But until then, even if the girl in the picture was gone, you could always remember the way she looked when she smiled and blinked and gave an exasperated look. You could always remember the way she looked when she was looking at _you._

"Stupid girl," I said to the picture. "Stupid scrawny, pale-faced, leech-loving, bookworm." I let out a sound that was a mix between a sob and a laugh as I gently placed the frame back where it belonged, and got rid of the shards of glass. I picked up the bear and held it out in front of me.

"So you're the lucky guy who got to spend every night in bed with her," I said, chuckling. I sat back down on her bed, placing the bear in the exact same spot it had been moments before. I was ashamed of myself. I had come into her room in the middle of the night and practically desecrated it. She would have greatly disapproved of my behavior. She most likely would have scolded me for it, and then continued to lecture me about respecting other people's things.

Damn, I missed her so much.

The most wonderful thing about having the luxury of transforming into a human was that I could sit here, like I was now, and succumb to the emotions that racked my entire body without eavesdroppers. I could separate the coalesced thoughts of the tribe. I had been taught growing up to bottle up all of my feelings and to never show the world my weaknesses to help strengthen the tribe. But alone in Bella's bedroom, where everything reminded me of her, those feelings were too strong to keep inside. I felt that if I were to keep them hidden away, my heart would explode in my chest.

So I sat there and for the first time, I cried.

Bella's bed became quite inviting after that. Exhaustion was sweeping over me. Although I had managed to receive four hours of rest before the dream took hold, I desperately craved more, but knew it would be utterly fruitless to even attempt my luck. Four hours was pushing it, and the images of Bell—well, _her—_lying cold and still on the ground were still burned into my retinas. I knew the best way to avoid seeing them would be to stay conscious, though my eyelids quivered at the idea of not being granted relief until morning came. It felt like it'd be eons from now. That blasted ray of sunshine would fill the room the moment I finally felt like closing my eyes to sleep, prompting me to start a new day instead.

It came before I expected. I must've fallen asleep after all. Glancing down at the ray of sunlight that was peeking through the curtains and shining across the bed, I groaned. It was morning already, meaning it was time to start the new day I thought was going to take years to come. Today, I realized, would be the same as it was _every_ day. Things still hadn't quite gotten back to normal yet, despite the fact it had been months. Edward and the Cullens managed to drag themselves into society every day (I'd been keeping tabs on him), though just barely.

I'd been keeping tabs on Edward for no other reason other than that I wanted to kill him. So desperately, so passionately and wantonly that it took my whole tribe to stop me. They had talked me into waiting, and we had a plan set out to take our time and kill him. He had broken the treaty.

I knew, and for once I knew there was absolutely no possible way that I could relate to the vampires.

Placing the teddy bear back onto the bed exactly where I'd found it, I mustered up all the energy I could to leave the room and return to the tribe to make some rounds.

I left her room without looking back. I still felt ashamed of the way I'd acted last night, and I wanted to try and forget about it for right now. Like every other day for the past few months, I told myself that today was going to be different. Today, I was going to put everything behind me and move on—forget my anger, and my love. And like every other day, I knew I was lying—because today was different. It had been exactly three months ago today that my world had been torn apart and ripped to shreds, exactly two months ago today that the only important thing in my life had been violently taken away from me.

It had been exactly three months ago today that Isabella Swan died.


	2. On My Own

**Disclaimer**: I reject credit for this. Credit goes to Stephanie Meyer, et al.

_**Chapter Two: On My Own**_

_**The Used **_

_See all those people on the ground  
Wasting time?  
I try to hold it all inside  
But just for tonight  
The top of the world  
Sitting here wishing  
The things I've become  
That something is missing  
Maybe I...  
But what I do know?_

_And now it seems that I have found  
Nothing at all  
I want to hear your voice out loud  
Slow it down, slow it down  
Without it all  
I'm choking on nothing  
It's clear in my head  
And I'm screaming for something  
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all_

_On my own __[x6]_

_Without it all  
I'm choking on nothing  
It's clear in my head  
And I'm screaming for something  
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all_

_On my own __[x4]

* * *

_

_**October 10th**_

I had been having a wonderful dream in a warm sleeping bag before my body suddenly hit something very, very cold.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, my eyes flinging open. Instinctively, I flinched away from the cold ground of the tent, rolling back to the warmth I had just been immersed in and straight on top of Bella. It only registered for a second that I should alleviate the weight I was putting on the small body of Bella before I felt a grip on me, throwing me into one of the tent poles.

I immediately snarled; I knew who did it. _That lousy bloodsucker! _He was crouched protectively in front of Bella, emitting snarls angrily out of his chest. I was half-crouched, too, my whole body quivering, while growls rumbled through my clenched teeth. Outside the tent, Seth Clearwater's vicious snarls echoed off the rocks.

"Stop it, stop it!" Bella yelled, scrambling awkwardly to put herself between us. The space was so small that she didn't have to stretch far to put one hand on each of our chests. Edward wrapped his hand around her waist, ready to yank her out of the way in case he wanted to lunge at me. I wish he had.

"Stop it, now," she warned him. I was slightly thankful that she was trying to protect me. But I didn't need her protection. I couldn't help but shift back on me heels and straighten a little at the touch of Bella's hand on my chest, though. The shaking of my body slowed, but my eyes were still fixed furiously on Edward. Seth continued to growl, a long unbroken sound, a violent background to the sudden silence in the tent.

"Jacob?" Bella asked, waiting until I finally dropped my glare to look at her. "Are you hurt?"

"Of course not!" I hissed. I couldn't tolerate the fact that she could think that a leech could harm me. And I didn't want him to apologize, either. I sure as hell wasn't going to say sorry. But he did anyway.

"My apologies, dog."

"No harm done," I said tauntingly. I turned and slid into the down bag once again. "I wasn't quite ready to wake up. That was the best night's sleep I ever had."

"It was your idea," Edward said impassively.

"I didn't say it wasn't the best night I've ever spent. Just that I didn't get a lot of sleep. I thought Bella was never going to shut up."

Bella winced.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," Edward muttered.

"Didn't you have a nice night, then?" I asked, smug.

"It wasn't the worst night of my life."

"Did it make the top ten?" I asked with perverse enjoyment.

"Possibly."

I smiled and closed my eyes.

"But," Edward went on, "if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top ten of the _best_ nights of my life. Dream about that."

My eyes opened into a glare. I sat up stiffly, my shoulders tense.

"You know what? I think it's too crowded in here."

"I couldn't agree more."

"Guess I'll catch up on my sleep later, then." I made a face. "I need to talk to Sam anyway."

I rolled to my knees and grabbed the door's zipper.

"Jake, wait—" I heard Bella call, her arm sliding down my arm. I jerked my arm away before her fingers could purchase.

"Please Jake? Won't you stay?"

"No."

The word was hard and cold. Her face gave away her pain, and I felt guilty. I exhaled and half a smile softened my expression.

"Don't worry about me, Bells. I'll be fine, just like I always am." I forced a laugh. "'Sides, you think I'm going to let Seth go in my place—have all the fun and steal all the glory? Right." I snorted.

I shoved out of the tent before Bella could say anything more.

Before I could walk away I heard Bella say, "We stay together. No matter what."

"No matter what," Edward agreed.

I couldn't help but choke on some bile that threatened to escape from my stomach. I didn't understand how Bella could love him so _completely_.

I wanted to walk away from the tent. I really did. But my curiosity was overwhelming to see any reason why Bella should love a blood sucker as much as she did and, sure enough, I heard them talking about what they loved. Ten things Edward loved, more specifically. I cringed; did I really want to know?

Yes. I wanted to know those ten best nights of his limitless life. The first they mentioned: the first night they stayed together. Argh! Flying home from Italy…that must be from their near-death experience with the Italian vampires. Not too impressive, I thought. Last night was better. The night after Italy was apparently a favorite, too.

"You were so funny," Edward said.

What?

"I had no idea your dreams were so vivid. It took me forever to convince you that you were awake."

"I'm still not sure," Bella muttered. "You've always seemed more like a dream than reality. Tell me one of yours now. Did I guess your first place?"

I felt myself lean closer to the tent, though that was hardly necessary for my abnormal hearing abilities.

"No," replied Edward.

I barely heard the words that came next because I started shaking in fury. I wasn't sure if I had heard correctly. I think he said, "That would be two nights ago, when you finally agreed to marry me."

The words were echoing in my head.

Marry me. Marry me. Marry Edward. Bella's gone.

It kept in time with the trembles that wracked my body.

Screw the list of top ten. I had to get away, I felt like hurling, but I was trembling so bad that I didn't think I could do anything at all. I transformed and ripped the outside air apart by emitting an earsplitting howl of pain. The sound ricocheted off the bare rock face of the mountain and filled the air so that it seared from every direction before I ran for it.

I wanted Bella to know how much I was hurting.

I couldn't see the trees—they were blurs. I didn't want the others to hear my thoughts, but there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't calm down enough to be human. I had to be a wolf right now, a monster.

I didn't care if I ran into any newborn vampires right now. I wanted to tear my teeth in them and pretend they were Edward, that filthy leech. I was only slightly aware of the fact that I was running toward the area where the fight was supposed to be. I slowed down, my conscious starting to weigh in to my fury.

I stopped. I thought. That was all I could do. I paced around in circles after that, ripping up the leaves on the earthy floor.

_You knew that was coming, you can't deny that._

_I'm sorry, mate._

The thoughts of the others didn't comfort me at all.

_Butt out!_

I growled loudly, enough for it to reverberate back to me off from the trees.

_Edward is trying to find you._

_Great. Peachy, really. I can personally rip his head off now, _I thought angrily.

_Come on, be rational._

_I AM BEING RATIONAL!_

_No, you're upset, _said another. It was Sam. _You won't hurt him. You will listen. We can't have a fight amongst ourselves right now; we have a battle to fight._

I hated that I had to obey him, and the order was permeating my bloodstream.

I could smell the filthy vampire before I could see him. If I wasn't in my wolf form already, I would've exploded by the scent. He infuriated me! When I could see him, he was approaching slowly as if to see if I would attack him. The only thing that was holding me back was Sam's orders.

Edward must've heard my thoughts that I couldn't attack him even if I wanted to, 'cause he approached a little faster now until we were face-to-face. We stood across from each other, engaged in a staring contest that neither of us seemed to want to lose. Our glares were so intense that it really was a good thing that looks _couldn't_ kill.

"Jacob, we need to talk."

Obviously, but I knew that wasn't his point. He wanted me to transform. So I walked behind some trees, transformed, put my shorts on and stalked back to him with balled fists.

"What?" I demanded.

"You know what," he said quietly.

I ignored him. "Do you think Bella would get too mad if I _accidentally_ killed her _frianc_—boyfriend?" I couldn't say the word fiancée yet. It hadn't registered, only anger.

"Look, I didn't say I was going to fight fair," said Edward. "I am sorry, though."

I bet if I could read his thoughts it said he was only sorry because it upset Bella. I wasn't sure if she really was upset, but I assumed she was because of the leech's reaction to my thoughts.

"She wants to talk to you."

"Does she?" I asked apathetically.

"Yes."

I snorted.

"She just wants us to get past our differences."

I simply grunted and dropped to the ground with a _thud_.

"Look, I'm not liking this either. I would rather not be around you or your friends," Edward said, hearing a distant growl of offence in the trees somewhere.

"Are you implying you'd rather jump off the bluff than hang out with my friends? Well _I _would rather chop off my fingers one by one and set myself on fire than hang out with _yours_."

Edward couldn't help but smile. "Well then, that's settled." He held out his pallid hand to shake on it.

I looked at him as if he'd gone insane. I scoffed. "Yeah, right. Like I'm going to touch _you_. You're not exactly the greatest perfume for me."

"Why do you always have to be so insufferable?"

"Why do _you_ always have to be such a—"

Edward held up his hand.

"What?" I asked impatiently.

"Sam wants us to hurry. We don't have much time left. Are you coming, or not?"

"Oh," I said, slightly put-out that he got the message before me. "Yeah, sure, sure."

We raced back to the camping site, me trying to beat that bloodsucker the whole way and trying to forget about what I overheard Bella and Edward talking about.

* * *

I stared where I stood at the falling snow. This seemed to be all I ever did during my rounds anymore–stare blankly into space as each of my pack members circled on and on around their lookout zones.

The snow was falling so hard that all I could see a short distance ahead of me was _white_—as if nothing existed outside my realm of vision but a vast, empty white space…

_Jake._

A voice from my head broke me out of my reverie. My first thought was that Sam had given me an order that I missed—one that, of course, I had not heard due to the fact I had not been paying attention. But when I averted my attention away from the wintery weather, I noticed that Seth and I were the only ones outside. The others must have transformed back to human form, because I couldn't hear them.

_We're done with our rounds_, Seth thought with a hint of concern.

I felt like an idiot. I snorted and thought slightly, _Sorry_, and acted like I was ready to go back.

_Are you feeling okay? I couldn't help but notice you weren't paying attention all day. Or _yesterday_, too_. Seth moved closer. _And now that I think about it, you've been acting this way for some time now. Does this have anything to do with your desire to kill Edward, and the plans_? He thought the last part with a bit of hesitation.

This angered me. Not because he'd brought up the subject of my wishes, but because how oblivious could the kid _be_? If he'd been paying any attention at all, he would have noticed that my lack of interest had begun to dissipate about only three months ago.

_No_, I thought curtly. I turned to go.

_Well, then what is bothering you?_

_Nothing_, I lied. _Honestly, I'm fine_.

Seth shook his shaggy head. _No you're not, Jake. You come to the pack everyday looking like you've gone days without sleep. You've distanced yourself from us. I can hardly hear your thoughts anymore. Your duties as on this tribe have been slipping. I've been informed by Embry that you're _bribing_ the others to perform your duties _for_ you._

I tried my best not to think or look guilty. _Those accusations are unfounded, Seth_.

_Unfounded? I ran into Leah last night, as a matter of fact. She was patrolling the east—a job __you__ were supposed to be doing last night. I asked her and she admitted that you had __threatened __her to take over your duties for the night. What the heck were you doing that was more important than your pack duties, Jake?_

It took all my strength to repress thoughts that said_, the same thing I do every night_; s_itting alone, wanting to die._ Instead I deliberately thought defensively, _does it really matter what I was doing?_

I could hear Seth considered this for a moment. _I suppose not. What matters is that you haven't been doing the jobs you've been assigned. This is hardly the way a pack member should behave. Especially you, Jake. You're supposed to set examples for the others…like me._ The wolf sighed._ I don't want Sam to have to kick you out—especially right now. And especially after…well, after everything that has happened. You are smart. You just need to try a little harder. Can you do that?_

Well, gosh. That made me feel awfully guilty. I gritted his teeth and nodded. _Sure, sure_. Without so much as another thought, I headed back, but Seth called me back.

_Hey, before you leave, I think there's something we need to talk about._

I stopped a mere inches from where I took off. What else could there possibly be for us to discuss? I turned around.

_What's this about?_ I asked, cooperating the best I could. I liked Seth.

For a moment, the kid before me remained silent; his jaw clenched together; the expression on his wolf face indicating that maybe he didn't want to say whatever it was he was going to say. _Sam and a few others…including me…think that it would be best to go on a hunt with you. For a girl. Er, a soulmate. Someone you can imprint on._

_WHAT? _I exploded. I realized my outburst might have taken him by surprise. Surely he hadn't been expecting me to react that way to this piece of news._ You can't possibly want me to do that._

_Sam wants you to. It's been almost three months now since—_

_Three months_ exactly, I corrected him. _Three months today._

Seth seemed taken-aback. _Right. It's been three months today. Meaning the one person we all thought you could imprint on is gone. You're going to have to find someone _some_time._

_No one can replace her, _I mumbled._ I just think…maybe I shouldn't imprint._

_Why the heck __not__? We need to strengthen the pack more than ever. Especially since one of our members is slacking in his duties…_

_I'm sorry,_ I thought_. Okay? I'm sorry I've been slacking. I'm sorry I've been doing everything wrong, but please…__please__ don't have Sam make me find a girl. I promise I'll be a better role model for the others. I promise I'll start doing all of my duties again. I can do this alone, I swear. With the help of all others and everything, we don't __need__ another person to carry on the pack. All of you guys who have imprinted have got it covered._

I was sure that if Seth didn't know any better, he would've sworn I was _begging_. He thought, _I'm sorry, too. _

Then I heard Sam. He must have transformed and been listening. _But it's been three months now, Jacob. We've put this off long enough. If we don't have you imprint, we're just allowing things to remain the way they were since Bella…well, since she died. It's not healthy. We all need to move on, and we can start by doing this. I'm sorry if that is not what you want. But it's what needs to be done. There is no discussion about it. _

I scowled at him. _I honestly don't care who you try to make me choose_. I turned abruptly. _Excuse me; I have some sleep to catch up on_.

_Jake!_ Seth called after me.

I half-expected Sam to reprimand me for my rudeness. Instead he thought, _your duty tonight is to patrol the northeast. If I see anyone else doing it in place of you, I may have to seriously reconsider your place in this pack._

_Sure, sure. _

As if I really cared. But I didn't think it for him to hear. I just walked away in a huff, wondering which member I should ask to take over my duties that night.


End file.
